March 12, 2014

To Control My Body

I'm nearing the end of my first month back in the world of Crossfit. Tomorrow is my last 'Basics' class WOD... and I'm nervous. Why?

Not so much because of the increased work load to be found in the mainstream classes, but because of the mental battle that I know I will face in those classes. To be happy with myself. To not compare myself. To only do what my body can do at this point and time without pushing myself. To be present and content with the process and my location in this journey.

This morning our coach asked us what we wanted to get out of Crossfit beyond weight loss. I have to admit that the first thing I wrote was "to control my body".

Wrong answer.

I understand that this is a control and perfectionism issue- both of which are the genesis of many an eating disorder. Honestly, that is how I feel... I have fought this weight loss and fitness thing for decades, and I would just like to be able to *know* what will net me long-term results. I don't feel like I do right now. And I need to be okay with that.

For now, patience.
Releasing control.
Trusting the process.
Enjoying the journey.

(On a different note, Women's Health Magazine March 2014 is telling us that 40 is the new 20.... aren't you glad to hear it? And I promise I wasn't reading it... it was just sittin' here next to me on the table at the library. That kind of stuff I know isn't great for inspiring patience in this journey... did you see those headlines? Flat Abs NOW! Lose 5, 10, 15+ Pounds: Start Today.... blah blah blah No one wants to hear the reality.... Change Takes Time! Lose 15 pounds This Year! Flat Abs in 5 Years!)

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